So overall the week has been very good. I have a had a few moments when I can sense the stress building and I have a list of go-to ‘s when I get stressed….
- Exercise – This one is huge for me. I have come to realize that I need some sort of physical exercise everyday to balance the stress level. Right now I lean towards running on my treadmill and yoga.
- Coffee Breaks- Sometimes the best things to do is just make myself a cup of coffee and just sit. I especially like to sit on my back porch and relax.
- Venting- Not something I do very often but this week it was nice to say to my husband “Sometimes its tough” in reference to the deployment and being a single parent all these months.
I also have learned in the past month what triggers are key for me that typically lead to yelling….
- Not enough Sleep
- Not remembering to eat
Overall I am learning one step at a time to make changes which is huge!
So somehow I missed a day because we are now on day 25 oops!
Here is my Recap for Day 24 Challenge: Why do I yell?
Thinking about the why behind the yell is hard. The reality is it comes naturally. It is what I heard as a child and it became very normal. It is always easy to fall back on what you know even if you know it is not right. This is my challenge especially when I get frustrated or overwhelmed. But making small changes one step at a time gives me hope and strength to continue to change.
and Day 25: Lacking Confidence
This is my biggest hurdle and it ties into day 24. My self confidence and view of my self is not always the best. Self doubt tends to rear its ugly head in my life more often then I would like. One of my favorite verses is 2 Timoth1:7 For the Spirit God gave us does not make us timid, but gives us power, love and self-discipline. I remember the first time I heard that verse at church. Challenged by my pastor, to answer what God is calling us to do and not letting fear control you. When you say things like I am not good enough it is basically saying to God you made a mistake with me, God does not make mistakes. We are all created in His image and exactly how He designs us to be. We just have to be willing to step up to each challenge and let God guide the way.
Here I am at day 23, and one thing I am learning is that each day is a blank slate. Yesterday was great, today was ok. Not so much yelling but not having patience. Today we had 3 doctors appointments came home for a little while then had to go to 2 baseball games. In between the kids were playing outside, and I was trying to get dinner put together and in the crock pot. In and out went the kids, Mom can I have water, a popsicle, a snack etc. Maybe it was the beep every time the door opens but I could feel my self loose patience very quickly.
The key thing is I was able to recognize it. Typically I would yell and react to the stress. But, that is the beauty of this challenge. Change is coming! Baby steps but it is coming!
Tomorrow is a new day. Each day starts fresh, with a clean slate. Taking baby steps to make the changes to be a better wife and mom!
When my oldest two came into out family thru adoption they were 4 and 5 years old. They had grown up in the foster care and were labeled “BAD KIDS” by many that came in contact with them. They were not bad , they were boys, they were active, we were their 5th or 6th foster home in 3 years. They needed consistency, love, structure. They needed a family. One of the first things we labeled as bad words in our house was the use of anyone calling including themselves as bad. We would say to them your not bad kids you just made a bad choice.
Flash forward 6 years those two little chubby faced boys are now 10 and 12 years old and have four siblings under them. Again, we have never used that term “Bad Kid” but just bad choices when the kids have done something over the years. But today the Orange Rhino has challenged me yet again. This time to look at the intentions of my kids when something happens.
For example, yesterday my 10 year old knocked the basketball hoop off his brothers door. The piece would not go back on so he took two nails and hung it on the wall. His heart was in the right place, putting two nail holes in the wall not the best plan. I just reminded him next time ask for help, but I appreciated the fact he tried to fix it.
So, I am off to start my day with a new perspective. Looking at the why before I assume the worst in terms of my kids and the choice they make.
So in about 10 days the 30 day challenge will be over. I started this blog with the intention of tracking my progress and giving my self somewhere to vent and express my thoughts. Now, I am no way shape or form done with the No Yelling Challenge. To be quite honest, I think it will always be a work in progress.
But what does that mean for this blog?
I have been thinking and praying about what God wants me to do with this blog. To be quite honest I STILL DON’T KNOW! But, here is what I do know….
- I like writing. It gives me time during the day to collect my thoughts. It also helps me process things when I can write them out.
- My husband is about to return home from Deployment #4. This will bring a whole new list of adjustments, and changes. Something tells me I am not the only one out there who has to adjust to there loved one coming home. I could write a whole blog on this alone!
- My life is changing this school year. All of my kids will be in school full or part time. I will have 12 hours a week alone with no one at home. Oh my goodness this is overwhelming and exciting at the same time!
- Life in general with 6 kids, a husband in the military, and each day is always exciting, new, and never a dull moment.
So, here is my plan for this blog. I am just going to be me. I am going to write on what is going on in my life with the hope that it may help someone else. Maybe with God’s help I can be an encouragement to someone going thru a deployment for the first time. Maybe my crazy type A schedules and lists will help motivate a mom trying to balance it all. I don’t know but I am willing to find out where this paths leads.
What you can count on is that I am a real mom of six, married to an Army guy whom I love more now then when we first got married. I am not perfect but have been given a lot of Grace along the way!
So most of the weekend has gone pretty well. We did have one moment yesterday when my older boys [10 and 12] were helping me with the bunk bed and it could have turned into a yelling fest but it didn’t. I did learn a few things however…
- My boys are more patient then I am when it comes to putting things together.
- Sometimes Mom needs a time out.
- Always tell your children you love them. They are never too big to her that and to get a hug from you. My boys are 5ft and 5 ft 2 and I am 5 ft 4!
One of the best things I am learning thru all this is that I can not change over night. It is a constant work in progress. I am also learning that when I do mess up and yell the best thing for my kids to hear is I’m sorry, I was wrong .
This mornings challenge is awesome. The content I can not show you because it is part of the protected posts for those going thru the challenge, but I found another one of the Orange Rhino’s posts that explain LOVE.
So many times I am quick to react and not look at the situation. Maybe child in question is hungry, tired, angry or all the above. Maybe just maybe I have been preoccupied with things and all they want if 5 minutes of my time. Yes I am cringing right now as I realize my 6 year old asked me to play a board game with him yesterday and I forgot 😦 Guess what we will be doing today!
My morning devotion today challenged me to write each of my kids a not stating the positive things about them . I am going a step further and putting dry erase boards in there rooms so I can leave them notes from time to time:) It will be a project to tackle this weekend. [pic may follow]
I also read this post over at Mom of 6 which is another great reminder of how we can focus on the positives each day!
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Ok so at the end of each night we are asked to toot are horns on FB. [Orange Rhino Info] and here is what I wrote…..
I am still tooting even though this morning was rough. I yelled, cried and then in the middle of it my husband called [currently deployed] and listened to me vent and then talked to each of the kids about behavior especially when he is gone. Made the rest of the day go smooth. I told him I am not perfect and will have moments when I mess up and yell and his response was I don’t want perfect and I know you are trying:) Made me smile!
Today was in no way shape or form perfect. But sometimes all you need is a phone call from the one you love to make everything better. Tomorrow is a new day and I will count again. Made it 5 days so this times I am shooting for 10!
Today I declared it relax /movie day with my kids. It is supposed to rain all afternoon so everything we had today has or will be cancelled. Some days you just a day off to rest. Especially during Summer when its a lot of late nights due to baseball games and sleepovers.
What does this have to do with the No Yelling challenge I am in the middle of? EVERYTHING! The kids are tired, I am tired, which means we need an extra amount of patience and grace today. I know the kids are worn out from the busy schedules and thus behavior may not be up to par. I am not excusing negative behavior just being a little more understanding when I have a crabby child or a whiny baby. I am also more aware that’s because I am tired I may be more quick to snap at the kids and snapping could lead to yelling :(.
So, today a little more grace will be given. We will get thru the day with the goal of not yelling 5 days now and continue chugging along!