So overall the week has been very good. I have a had a few moments when I can sense the stress building and I have a list of go-to ‘s when I get stressed….
- Exercise – This one is huge for me. I have come to realize that I need some sort of physical exercise everyday to balance the stress level. Right now I lean towards running on my treadmill and yoga.
- Coffee Breaks- Sometimes the best things to do is just make myself a cup of coffee and just sit. I especially like to sit on my back porch and relax.
- Venting- Not something I do very often but this week it was nice to say to my husband “Sometimes its tough” in reference to the deployment and being a single parent all these months.
I also have learned in the past month what triggers are key for me that typically lead to yelling….
- Not enough Sleep
- Not remembering to eat
Overall I am learning one step at a time to make changes which is huge!
So somehow I missed a day because we are now on day 25 oops!
Here is my Recap for Day 24 Challenge: Why do I yell?
Thinking about the why behind the yell is hard. The reality is it comes naturally. It is what I heard as a child and it became very normal. It is always easy to fall back on what you know even if you know it is not right. This is my challenge especially when I get frustrated or overwhelmed. But making small changes one step at a time gives me hope and strength to continue to change.
and Day 25: Lacking Confidence
This is my biggest hurdle and it ties into day 24. My self confidence and view of my self is not always the best. Self doubt tends to rear its ugly head in my life more often then I would like. One of my favorite verses is 2 Timoth1:7 For the Spirit God gave us does not make us timid, but gives us power, love and self-discipline. I remember the first time I heard that verse at church. Challenged by my pastor, to answer what God is calling us to do and not letting fear control you. When you say things like I am not good enough it is basically saying to God you made a mistake with me, God does not make mistakes. We are all created in His image and exactly how He designs us to be. We just have to be willing to step up to each challenge and let God guide the way.
Here I am at day 23, and one thing I am learning is that each day is a blank slate. Yesterday was great, today was ok. Not so much yelling but not having patience. Today we had 3 doctors appointments came home for a little while then had to go to 2 baseball games. In between the kids were playing outside, and I was trying to get dinner put together and in the crock pot. In and out went the kids, Mom can I have water, a popsicle, a snack etc. Maybe it was the beep every time the door opens but I could feel my self loose patience very quickly.
The key thing is I was able to recognize it. Typically I would yell and react to the stress. But, that is the beauty of this challenge. Change is coming! Baby steps but it is coming!
Tomorrow is a new day. Each day starts fresh, with a clean slate. Taking baby steps to make the changes to be a better wife and mom!
When my oldest two came into out family thru adoption they were 4 and 5 years old. They had grown up in the foster care and were labeled “BAD KIDS” by many that came in contact with them. They were not bad , they were boys, they were active, we were their 5th or 6th foster home in 3 years. They needed consistency, love, structure. They needed a family. One of the first things we labeled as bad words in our house was the use of anyone calling including themselves as bad. We would say to them your not bad kids you just made a bad choice.
Flash forward 6 years those two little chubby faced boys are now 10 and 12 years old and have four siblings under them. Again, we have never used that term “Bad Kid” but just bad choices when the kids have done something over the years. But today the Orange Rhino has challenged me yet again. This time to look at the intentions of my kids when something happens.
For example, yesterday my 10 year old knocked the basketball hoop off his brothers door. The piece would not go back on so he took two nails and hung it on the wall. His heart was in the right place, putting two nail holes in the wall not the best plan. I just reminded him next time ask for help, but I appreciated the fact he tried to fix it.
So, I am off to start my day with a new perspective. Looking at the why before I assume the worst in terms of my kids and the choice they make.
So most of the weekend has gone pretty well. We did have one moment yesterday when my older boys [10 and 12] were helping me with the bunk bed and it could have turned into a yelling fest but it didn’t. I did learn a few things however…
- My boys are more patient then I am when it comes to putting things together.
- Sometimes Mom needs a time out.
- Always tell your children you love them. They are never too big to her that and to get a hug from you. My boys are 5ft and 5 ft 2 and I am 5 ft 4!
One of the best things I am learning thru all this is that I can not change over night. It is a constant work in progress. I am also learning that when I do mess up and yell the best thing for my kids to hear is I’m sorry, I was wrong .
This mornings challenge is awesome. The content I can not show you because it is part of the protected posts for those going thru the challenge, but I found another one of the Orange Rhino’s posts that explain LOVE.
So many times I am quick to react and not look at the situation. Maybe child in question is hungry, tired, angry or all the above. Maybe just maybe I have been preoccupied with things and all they want if 5 minutes of my time. Yes I am cringing right now as I realize my 6 year old asked me to play a board game with him yesterday and I forgot 😦 Guess what we will be doing today!
My morning devotion today challenged me to write each of my kids a not stating the positive things about them . I am going a step further and putting dry erase boards in there rooms so I can leave them notes from time to time:) It will be a project to tackle this weekend. [pic may follow]
I also read this post over at Mom of 6 which is another great reminder of how we can focus on the positives each day!
Ok so at the end of each night we are asked to toot are horns on FB. [Orange Rhino Info] and here is what I wrote…..
I am still tooting even though this morning was rough. I yelled, cried and then in the middle of it my husband called [currently deployed] and listened to me vent and then talked to each of the kids about behavior especially when he is gone. Made the rest of the day go smooth. I told him I am not perfect and will have moments when I mess up and yell and his response was I don’t want perfect and I know you are trying:) Made me smile!
Today was in no way shape or form perfect. But sometimes all you need is a phone call from the one you love to make everything better. Tomorrow is a new day and I will count again. Made it 5 days so this times I am shooting for 10!
Today I declared it relax /movie day with my kids. It is supposed to rain all afternoon so everything we had today has or will be cancelled. Some days you just a day off to rest. Especially during Summer when its a lot of late nights due to baseball games and sleepovers.
What does this have to do with the No Yelling challenge I am in the middle of? EVERYTHING! The kids are tired, I am tired, which means we need an extra amount of patience and grace today. I know the kids are worn out from the busy schedules and thus behavior may not be up to par. I am not excusing negative behavior just being a little more understanding when I have a crabby child or a whiny baby. I am also more aware that’s because I am tired I may be more quick to snap at the kids and snapping could lead to yelling :(.
So, today a little more grace will be given. We will get thru the day with the goal of not yelling 5 days now and continue chugging along!
So yesterday was a crazy day in our house. It started with getting a flat tire on the way to the 3 year olds therapy appointment. Needless to say 3 hours in a tire place with four kids who were tired from a busy weekend and having to get up early was not fun. BUT I did not yell! Except for when I was trying to put air in the tire so I could get to the tire place [picked up a nail] and the kids were jumping in the car and fighting. I am not counting that as yelling because it was more for there safety.
After that we still had errands to run and then later it was our usual Monday madness. Baseball, Ballet, Jujitsu, and this week Sports Camp. Plus I needed to get some papers notarized so we walked in the door at 1pm to turn around and leave at 3pm. Baseball got rained out but not until we got there so we still had to go 😦
Today is a less hectic day and I have not yelled since Saturday so four days going strong. I also was able to get a run in last night which is always a huge stress release for me.
Bring on the day!
Wow! I can not believe it has been two weeks of concentrating on not yelling! It has been a roller coaster ride with some up and down days. It has not been perfect , I have had my times where I have yelled and others where I have repeated Orange Rhino over and over again but I am still going strong.
This weekend we were asked in the email group to set a goal for ourselves. I chose 2 weeks of not yelling. It seems to be that I am good week 1 but then as the stress builds up my voice gets louder and louder. I also want to watch how I talk to me kids, with less of “do this” and “no do it this way” letting go of some of my perfection. The last thing I am going to do is restart the Daily Blessings [everyone says 1 positive of there choice } at the en of the day. Then I write them on the white board and its on the fridge until the next night. This was something that we have gotten away from mainly because during baseball season we get in to late and I just want to get the kids to bed. I think it will help me keep perspective on the days!
So that’s the goals for the next two weeks. Reasonable in my eyes and more then attainable!