So yesterday was a crazy day in our house. It started with getting a flat tire on the way to the 3 year olds therapy appointment. Needless to say 3 hours in a tire place with four kids who were tired from a busy weekend and having to get up early was not fun. BUT I did not yell! Except for when I was trying to put air in the tire so I could get to the tire place [picked up a nail] and the kids were jumping in the car and fighting. I am not counting that as yelling because it was more for there safety.
After that we still had errands to run and then later it was our usual Monday madness. Baseball, Ballet, Jujitsu, and this week Sports Camp. Plus I needed to get some papers notarized so we walked in the door at 1pm to turn around and leave at 3pm. Baseball got rained out but not until we got there so we still had to go 😦
Today is a less hectic day and I have not yelled since Saturday so four days going strong. I also was able to get a run in last night which is always a huge stress release for me.
Bring on the day!
Wow! I can not believe it has been two weeks of concentrating on not yelling! It has been a roller coaster ride with some up and down days. It has not been perfect , I have had my times where I have yelled and others where I have repeated Orange Rhino over and over again but I am still going strong.
This weekend we were asked in the email group to set a goal for ourselves. I chose 2 weeks of not yelling. It seems to be that I am good week 1 but then as the stress builds up my voice gets louder and louder. I also want to watch how I talk to me kids, with less of “do this” and “no do it this way” letting go of some of my perfection. The last thing I am going to do is restart the Daily Blessings [everyone says 1 positive of there choice } at the en of the day. Then I write them on the white board and its on the fridge until the next night. This was something that we have gotten away from mainly because during baseball season we get in to late and I just want to get the kids to bed. I think it will help me keep perspective on the days!
So that’s the goals for the next two weeks. Reasonable in my eyes and more then attainable!
So today started relatively easy. Due to the heat and baseball games last night we cancelled our beach trip with friends today. I new it was the right thing to do and I didn’t feel guilty [which is huge for me] about it. Funny thing was I did not have one complaint from a child.
I let the kids sleep in, kept breakfast simple with free choice. This means more mess for me as its typically 6 different things but the flip side is I don’t here I don’t want that from anyone. Then the boys [10 and 12] got ready to go to a friends house for a play day/sleepover. I am watching my friends two so my house will be busy with 6 under 7 but hopefully they will all crash pretty early:)
I have thought a lot this week about why I yell, learning to recognize triggers and what not. I still have a long way to go, hence why it is a 30 day challenge but I feel very equipped. The emails and Facebook page are a huge help which is awesome. I am anxious to start the second half of this journey! One step at a time, but each day is a success.
PS. I am including this in the Homemakers Challenge Link Up as my DIY/Accomplished for the week! Check them out for dome other great DIY’S !
Yesterday, felt like a crazy roller coaster ride. I was up down up down the whole day. One minute I am handling everything great the next minute I am flipping out over laundry. It was a long day. Now that I had a decent nights sleep…my 7 year old had a meltdown at bedtime and I had a few visitors in my room, I can look at yesterday make adjustments as needed.
WHAT I NOW SEE…..
- Its Hot. Yesterday the heat index was 104 degrees outside. When we left for baseball games yesterday my car said it was 100 – that’s hot. Heat makes kids crabby, it makes mom crabby. Today the Heat Index is again around 105 so I need to factor this in for day and our activities.
- Its Summer. The house will not be as neat and picked up as during the school year because the kids are home.
- We are worn out from this deployment. We are on the last leg of it, which is the hardest because all the flights are coming in and we have to wait and be patient for my husband to come in. I need to remember when we see a plane and one of the kids asks if that is Daddy’s plane for the 100th time 🙂
So my goal for today is not to feel like were on a roller coaster but a lazy inner tube ride just coasting along.
So this morning I got up and the challenge today was to adjust what triggers your yelling. Today it was to focus on the small things such as being late, clutter etc. One of my biggest frustrations that almost always leads to yelling is us getting out the door in the morning. During the school year, I keep my kids schedules simple. Dressed, beds made breakfast, out the door. However in the summer they are expected to help with the basic chores. For some reason it takes everyone twice as long especially when we have to be somewhere. I end up stressing out because we have to be somewhere, the house is still not picked up, and the kids are crabby because Mom is yelling again. Fun times!
So, this morning I got up and told each child [we have 6] what time we were leaving and what I expected out of them. I also informed them that if the chores were not don’t they would be finishing the chores when we got home. I did not yell, not once . Not when it took them 25 minutes to get dressed and make beds. Not when it was time to go and chores were not done. Needless to say when we got home 2 hours later they were less then thrilled to have to do chores then be able to play or as my 5 year old says “Be Free”. They finished the chores rather quickly and then later when I said it was time to pick up before we went to baseball they again picked up quickly. Everyone got what they need to do done and I never had to raise my voice! Day 9 success!
So Day 7 was a mess. I snapped at the kids, we were all tired. We had things to do that I did not want to do and that triggered my yelling. But the difference this time…it did not last all day. I was able to stop and say wow I need a time out! This is huge, usually it would carry on the rest of the day, and just escalating. But it didn’t.
So now I start week two Day 8 with a fresh perspective. I think this challenge is so much more then not yelling, but really finding out why you yell and changing it. I have realistic expectations for today and realistic expectations for my kids. I am the one in control and my mood sets the tone for the day. We have appointments and activities and a very busy day ahead of us. My kids will get tired, I know this. My goal is to handle each situation with calmness and the expectation that the day will not go perfectly. Nothing in life is perfect!
This morning which started at 5:30 am with my 3 year old waking up ready to start the day is the beginning of Day 6. Day 5 I did pretty good as we had a few close calls but NO Yelling!
More importantly I am learning to let go. When the kids do something, that requires correction I deal with it and move on. When outside forces affect my day I am learning to deal with it and not let it stress me out. For example: Quick trip the store yesterday and I have four of the kids with me, the 3 little boys all in the cart and my daughter walking with us . We needed eggs and some cleaning supplies but that was it. However, in the middle of trying to push the heavy cart thru the aisles I had to take a phone call. So I am on my cell phone and my 3 boys decide that now is the best time to wrestle in the cart. I was stuck, on my cell trying to talk and wrangle three little boys to not kill each other or knock down the display. I was stressed and could feel the frustration building. But I survived and let it go. I looked at the situation and while I did talk with the boys about behavior in the store I let it go. I think they were more shocked then anything they did not have me yelling and going on and on 🙂
So today we are on Day 6, its now 7:16 am we have baseball at 9am and then again at 12:45 and then a trip to the commissary on the schedule. My goal for today is not to yell but also be realistic and let the little things go!
Today the sun is out the rain has stopped and I have made it to day 5. Yesterday night I had a little hiccup in the No Yelling here is wrote on the Orange Rhino Blog Page [The Topic was Triggers]
We did great all afternoon but as the night progressed and the kids who were tired of being stuck in the house because of the rain started getting louder and louder I could feel my self getting more on edge. Then I was on the phone with my MIL and the kids were louder then ever to the point I said I needed to get off the phone. I know she understands but still its the point. Finally I settle the kids down to watch a movie and the 5 year old runs thru the kitchen and crashes into the trashcan, letting out this scream….and I snapped. I yelled “what happened” and the kids looked at me in awe. But you know what that was it. It was like a light bulb went off in my head and I had this image of orange rhino running thru are kitchen. This was huge for me! I looked at the 5 year old told him CALMLY to go lay down and watch the movie and it was over. The old me would have gone on for 20 min yelling at everyone about all the things they are doing wrong etc. etc. etc. So my yell was more like a jolt like a bolt of lighting given the warning that a storm was coming. Today the sun is out [thank goodness] and it is another day!
I have enjoyed the restful days we have had, but now that the storm has past we start back to the normal schedule which means baseball practice at 9am tomorrow! Today I will clean and do some DE cluttering because another one of my triggers is clutter.
Day 4 Mini Success because while I did have slip up I was able to recognize it and gain control!
So I got up this morning ready to write about my day 3 only to discover my post from yesterday never uploaded. I am not sure where it is but only the first few lines were in the drafts folder.
Frustrated but yet determined not to yell is my goal for today. I am realizing that outside stress such as posts not working, rainy days, and uncontrolled circumstances affect my stress level and thus the littlest thing that one of my kids do will result in me snapping.
So, here I am on Day 4 and No Yelling!!!!! I will admit yesterday we had a few close calls that included…..
- My 3 and 5 year old dumping the sugar in my front hall [see picture].
- Baseball games being cancelled because of rain = crabby kids.
- Kids playing around after dinner when they were supposed to clear the table.
- Did I mention the rain which has been all week and the kids have been stuck inside most of the day.
- Tired and worn out because we are almost done with the deployment.
- My 5 and 6 year fighting over who sits where in the car.
- My 10 and almost 12 year old bored which means trouble:)
But I survived the day and now we are moving onto to day four. Complete with a Tropical Storm Warning for our area. We had a DR. Appointment this morning and then the two littlest had Art Camp which went well. Driving home was a little hectic with all the rain and we needed to make a quick stop for water and batteries in case the power went out with the storm. I told the kids the expectations ahead of time and also gave them a little more grace due to the weather. Now we are home for the day and I have declared it a Movie Pj’s play day!
My goal is to keep the kids occupied since we are stuck inside until the storm passes. We may even do a movie picnic dinner tonight! Bring on Day 5!
And I did not yell !!!!!!!